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Needs a little squelch grease.
A review of Bard Cast Commercials: The MUI Foundation by Azrael
Introduction
A funny way of bringing news to players in game.
Cons
This is random and a bit too far from context for general audiences. After careful reading, the implied content is there, but it really calls on the reader to fill in details with fuzzy "if you say so" resolve.
I was left with a lingering question of what the point was to this submission. It is given under Bardic Tales, but what it refers to and how it relates to story telling is a hard to discern.
The content is there, but the author needs to elaborate on the story and the idea further. As it reads now, it is very difficult to relate directly with the story.
Pros
After careful reading (and inferring a lot of detail from what is given) the story seems to relate how to create an ingame running commentary for the players. It might make for a fun way to add details and news for the players while adventuring.
The use of the homunculi as a means of transfering meta-knowledge to the players is a unique approach to a hairy problem.
The story has interesting information that sparks creative ideas.
Conclusion
I am happy we have a new contributor to the site. I would ask that this submission be worked over with an eye for adding more context to the story given. It is clear that the person who wrote this has something to share, but is not approaching it as something intended for a broad audience. Add more content to help a reader relate to the story.
 Ratings |
| 9 |
Originality: Funny and interesting.
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| 7 |
Style: Needs to address the audience with more context for the story.
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| 8 |
Overall: I look forward to steady improvements in style from this author.
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